Aging as Spiritual Awakening

An Annotated Outline of the Themes and Tasks

Involved

Theme #1.  IDENTIFICATION AND PURPOSE OF THE MID-LIFE AND AGING CRISIS.

Possible “symptoms” and life occurrences.  Some or all of these situations may be found in the life of a person who is undergoing this type of transformation.  They are:

1.       Tremendous stress in specific or all aspects of the person’s life.

2.       Loss of meaning.   May be brought on by loss of loved ones, disaster, divorce, body changes, physical illness, or some other primarily external event.

3.       The complaint that “nothing seems to work the way it did anymore.”  Sometimes feeling like life is over without this person, this job, this way of life, this body.

4.       Old beliefs that formerly provided the basis for life are being questioned.  It doesn’t matter if the beliefs were “spiritual” or not.   Sometimes a person who has been very religious will begin to question the reality of God.  Or someone who has always believed there is no such thing as God begins to wonder…

5.       Motivations change.   What used to motivate (usually ego-gratifying behaviors) no longer does.  Sometimes it is difficult to find motivations, or new motivations arise.

6.       Relationships may be in chaos.  Old ways of relating no longer work. Something different is wanted.

7.       There is often a feeling of not wanting to do anything, or topics that previously seemed “bad” or “wrong” become the current, often obsessive, interest.  This frequently causes distress and guilt.

8.       Guilt may be a strong motivating factor for viewing one's life in new ways:  “What’s wrong with me?  I don’t seem to want to do the things I should do.”  Many women come into therapy saying they no longer want to take care of others, that they have been doing it all their lives and no longer have the desire to nurture others in the same ways they have always done.  They need something for themselves now and a different way of serving.

9.       There may be disturbing perceptual shifts, such as seeing things that aren’t objectively there but are grasped on an intuitive level.  These are not hallucinations.  Sometimes Kundalini-type physical phenomena are present.  Spiritual “emergencies” can arise for some.  These can include opening to other levels of reality which can cause tremendous fears about sanity itself and what it all means.

10.  Deep depression, despair, sometimes suicidal thoughts, rage or lethargy, all come to the surface.

11.  There is deep grief, knowing that something is “off,” but not knowing what that “something” is; this often manifests as sorrow and confusion.

12.  Experiencing feelings like “the bottom has dropped out,” as if there is no longer a foundation upon which to rest.

13.  Desires for space, solitude, and simplicity arise.

14.  Desire for “something else” out of relationship or out of life which may not yet be defined.  Deep longings and yearnings surface -- sometimes specific, sometimes not.  Or there may be desires for very specific things which seem unattainable or taboo.

 There may exist an awareness of a spiritual crisis, but sometimes there is no awareness of this and even discomfort at the thought.

       PSYCHOLOGICAL COMMENTARY

       Task #1:  We need to adopt a positive conceptual framework for this transition point.  Framing the crisis as a healthy one, we want to see it not necessarily as meaning something is wrong, but rather that the psyche is attempting to self-regulate, and to bring the system to a greater level of health than was known before.  We acknowledge that there may be clean-up work to do, and that the crisis is basically a spiritual emergence – something greater, more aware of its wholeness, is emerging.

       Task #2:  We become aware of a deeper and less “personal” purpose being served.  The purpose for viewing Aging as the possibility for Spiritual Awakening is to help an individual use this inevitable aging to maximize its usefulness in his/her own personal development.  To help someone reframe what is often experienced as devastating, emotionally and psychologically, into something which can fill his/her life with meaning and purpose, is to provide a lifeline in a sea of darkness.  Above all else, aging needs to be a confrontation with our humanness, a time to come into contact with the Self, the core of being in direct connection with the Godhead, the fountain of life within us.  This is a time when there is the increased potential to surrender to spiritual guidance.

Theme #2:  ASSUMING RESPONSIBILITY FOR ONE’S OWN LIFE.

       PSYCHOLOGICAL COMMENTARY

       Task #1:  We need to confront the “opposites” (both personal and transpersonal shadow material) and integrate their polarities into our psyche.  Here we take on the confrontation with our personal, hidden identities that have been projected out onto family, friends, and associates, including both inflated and deflated images of ourselves.   There is also need for the confrontation with transpersonal projections onto politicians, countries, ethnic groups, authorities, archetypes, deities and devils.  These projections can now be more easily seen as part of the Self.  This can be a very difficult process, shattering to our “ideal” images of ourselves.  Great courage is needed here, and such courage is shown in people willing to undergo the process of this confrontation.  Remember that support from personal friends, family, and from professionals is often needed in this integration process.

       Task #2:  The task here is to examine all of one’s personal identities.  This examination is a stripping of oneself to the very core, a laying bare of “who we really are.”  People involved with this task often have dreams and fantasies containing alchemical images of disintegration or mutilation.  An example of this comes from a woman I worked with who was in the throes of crisis and dreamed that she was walking down steps.  When she reached the bottom of what seemed to be some sort of well, she found a whole pile of pieces and parts of (what she knew to be) herself like parts of a puzzle.  She knew within the dream that she had to put the puzzle together in a new way.   We must examine who we identify ourselves to be before we can choose to identify differently.

       Task #3:  Facing our illusions brings us to realize that the world as we see it is the world we have created through our own perceptions.  It is to challenge the thinking that we create everything that happens to us as simplistic and guilt provoking.  It is more correct to say that through our choices and our work on ourselves, we create our perception of reality by our response to what happens to us. 

The realization that comes from facing the illusion that we are in control, and that the world is not what it seems, can ultimately mean accepting that the world is a reflection of our own perceptions; beyond and behind what we think we see, beyond our thoughts about it, lies the real world.  It is an experience that can be shattering for the ego.   It can make us feel as if our lives are in pieces all around us, and that there is no foundation under us. 

However, as we face our illusions, we can come to a new sense of wholeness, and with this, our spirit is renewed and strengthened.  Sometimes this involves facing how disillusioned we feel because so many of our dreams and hopes have been shattered or remain unrealized.  Another way to look at our disillusionment is to re-spell it this way:  dis-illusions.  In other words, we are finally loosening our hold on an illusionary world.  Such healing can take place here, preparing us for a sense of a deep humility, that can come from surrendering to our true spiritual nature hidden within.

       Task #4:  We need to work through unresolved issues with our parents.  In crisis, we often feel like adolescents or children again.  We face the same issues:  separating from parents, no longer blaming or clinging to them but releasing them finally and learning to see them as people.  Parents, as well as we, the children, need forgiveness here.  Forgiveness helps us to separate from conditioned beliefs and helps the healing of old wounds that we no longer need to keep us imprisoned.

       Task #5:  We need to reclaim the “innocence” of childhood. 

After examining our guilt and shadows and taking responsibility for it all, it is then time to reclaim our innocence and find in us that which is pure, child-like and free.  What is pure and simple in us, beyond good and evil, is also natural.  This process involves, as well, the development of humility.   And with humility and the innocence of a child, we can come home to the heart of God, with simplicity and honor.  This is not the inner child work as the media has depicted it; but rather, it is the highly developed work that usually comes after deep examination and often after a good deal of meditation practice.

       Task #6:  In order to be free of the past, we must forgive the “sins” of the past and move on.  Forgiveness of past doings, real or imagined, becomes an important focus.  This forgiveness seems to be a major factor in healing.  This work on forgiveness needs to be two-pronged (at least).  One is the need to bring total honesty about how much one is genuinely experiencing forgiveness, not simply saying it is so because of inner and outer pressures to do so.  This leads to resentment, bitterness and more pain. 

The other prong is to examine what the person means by forgiveness.  I have found in my work that many people feel that to forgive is to forget what was done to them or what they did to others.  It helps if an individual understands that there is no “forgetting” involved, that the remembering can turn into learning, but without the terrible attachment of suffering which seems always to accompany a lack of forgiveness.  The lack of forgiveness continues to hurt the person holding on and so forgiveness is for the healing of the person who has not forgiven.  This applies whether or not the person needs to forgive him/herself or another.  Holding on simply seems to mean the person is not ready to move on and take full responsibility for his/her own life (remembering the suggested meaning of the word responsible).  Healing occurs when true forgiveness is achieved.

       Task #7:  This task is to become intimately acquainted and comfortable with solitude.  This is about finding the deep inner space within, our private space from which we can touch the source of our lives.     Many of us need to create a quiet place in our lives – either a time carved out of overly busy lives or a place to go to – a place which is reserved for an intensely private relationship with God.

The paradox here is that finding our solitude also means discovering our deep connectedness, our relatedness to each other, to the earth, and to God.  Out of our unique wholeness we can meet each other as equals.   This solitude becomes precious; it is not isolation, but a richness and a depth, a necessity.

Theme #3:  THE DEVELOPMENT OF INTUITION AND INNER TRUST

PSYCHOLOGICAL COMMENTARY

       Task #1:  The task is to develop our intuition.  We learn to listen to the silence within us.  Learning to listen teaches us to trust, to risk ourselves more fully because we know ourselves better, and thus the trust is based in self-knowledge rather than in doubt.  As our intuition continues to deepen and open, ever broadening realms of the human psyche become a certainty and a foundation of our inseparable connection with God, and with the Source of All Life flowing through us.

       Task #2:  The task is to learn a deep trust of ourselves, relying on our own inner authority as sovereign.  As we continue to grow and open, trusting the naturalness of whatever happens for us in our lives, we come to a state of trust with an open, child-like heart.  It is then we can welcome our lives with this openness and trust, because we surrender to God.   Here we explore fears of the unknown, and simply learn to offer that fear to God, with an ever more trusting mind and heart.  We learn that each of us has his or her own direct line to God and does not need anyone else’s interpretation; however, dialogue with others becomes a precious undertaking to provide counter-balance to self-delusion. 

       Task #3:  We give birth to the “conscious” feminine -- we learn to surrender to something greater than our ego-self.  This means developing the feminine side of ourselves.  It is with the “feminine” side of our nature (gender irrelevant) that we receive from one another and from God.  So ultimately, it is from the feminine that we surrender our lives to God.  It is how we receive the love as well as the lessons that God has for us.   It is the way we receive from one another also.

This task may include confrontation with the Great Goddess in all her aspects, the dark goddess as well as the nourishing, loving aspects of the nurturing feminine.  It is no small undertaking because confrontation with the Goddess within us is a powerful grounding connection.  This is a connection with the earth itself, a taking back of our rootedness in her, and a willingness to be devoured in her wrathful aspect.  This means going into the void, the dark richness of the unknown within us.  I think this may well be the most important single undertaking for the world today and what is needed to save our planet.  However, this is a heavily misunderstood undertaking and one that requires an open-mindedness and exploration that takes us beyond our limited experience.

       Task #4:  We learn to trust the inner voice and act on it -- we develop the “conscious” masculine.  Here, we learn to trust our own direct connectedness to the Divine within.  From this, we then can act on our own authority, no matter what is presented from outside of ourselves.  This develops very high integrity and a solid sense of “being true to oneself.”

Theme #4:  ENCOUNTER WITH THE BASIC HUMAN DILEMMA AND COMING INTO HUMAN FORM

Teihard de Chardin said, “We are not human beings having a spiritual experience; we are spiritual beings having a human experience.”

Coming into our “humanness,” that is, what we share with all other humans on the planet, involves a unity that becomes a spiritual awakening in the highest sense.  Going deeply into our own suffering means that we touch the suffering of the world, our hearts open to all suffering.  And when we’re deeply enough into it, our hearts open us to service – not out of sacrifice, but because we want to be of service.  It seems there is nothing else to do, or perhaps nothing else left to do. 

As we touch the essence of what makes us human, we naturally come to union with God, with Divinity, because this experience of union with God seems to be the very heart of what it is to be a human being, not just a human “becoming.”  It is not something separate from the human experience; it is the core of it.  This heals the split between the human and the divine mirrored in all polarities.

PSYCHOLOGICAL COMMENTARY

       Task #1:  This task is to be willing to take full responsibility for our lives the way they are now rather than constantly wishing things were different.  We begin to take a very deep level of responsibility for all of our thoughts, emotions, actions, choices – including our gifts and faults.

It is often true that real responsibility and maturity only comes from deep soul-searching.  A suggestion for a definition of the word responsibility that moves us away from duty is, “the ability to respond from the very core of our being.” Seen this way, taking full responsibility means to be willing to respond to life from our depths. 

Our lives can become filled with meaning and purpose when these more fulfilling levels of responsibility are achieved.

       Task #2:  This task is to confront our “ordinariness” and to let go of “specialness.”  In this task we confront images of ourselves which are either inflated or deflated ones, and find ourselves to be just ordinary human beings, dealing with the same issues as everyone else.  It is in confronting this ‘ordinariness’ that we find our uniqueness, find that we are not special – either better-than or less-than – but that we are each unique individuals, with gifts and faults like all other humans.   This can be both liberating and shattering, especially if ego-identity is strongly attached to either the deflated or inflated position (which is usually the case).  We also eventually discover that our individual uniqueness is ours alone to develop and offer to ourselves and the world.  There is a potential here for a great sense of freedom.  This freedom can enable and empower us to follow deep inner guidance rather than the inflated or deflated images and beliefs we have here-to-fore allowed to dominate our lives.

       Task #3:  We need to become aware of the present moment that we are in, to bring awareness to our lives.  Although past, unresolved issues come into the present to be healed, the focus of the work is now, the present moment.   We begin to accept, not just resign ourselves to, life the way it is.  From here we can begin to align ourselves with the metaphysical truth that the way it is is the best way it can be to teach us.  We are gaining the greatest amount of growth right now from “the way it is.”  Even though painful or difficult, it is the perfect situation from which we can learn all we need to learn.  It is the perfect situation from which to “wake-up” and come to a greater awareness of God’s presence and teaching in our lives. 

At the darkest, most desolate moments of our lives, when there is nothing other than pain all around us, there is absolutely nowhere else to go, except to God.  At least there is the potential of opening to Spirit at these moments; there is also the potential of becoming embittered and bereft of compassion.  The difference lies in our attitude about what we are experiencing, and whether or not we take up the challenge facing us.

       Task #4:  To accept that this planet is a school and the work can be difficult allows us to come to a new engagement with life.  Accepting this frees us.  It is easier to see situations as various manifestations of life energy, rather than just as conflicts and problems confronting our ego selves.  Acceptance makes life less of a burden.  This framework also helps us realize that no matter what the outer circumstance is, we have a lesson to learn from it, rather than believing that we are being punished when we feel very violated, harmed or betrayed.   We are, instead, being given lessons in order to help us become aware of the presence of God in our lives and to learn that the love of God will sustain us. 

Sometimes, when disaster and really horrible events happen to us, this lesson is very hard to learn and we may lose sight of it completely for a time.  It is at these times we can most benefit from the support and guidance of those we respect and who can help us back to this knowing.

       Task #5:  The task is to understand that the longing underlying all addictions is the deeper longing for a spiritual connection.  What emerges from the chaos and despair is a longing we previously thought could only be satisfied by relationships, work or substances like drugs and alcohol.  The longing now becomes one which can only be filled by direct connection with Spirit.  It is a longing for union with something greater, a longing for wholeness, for self-actualization and self-transcendence.  It is what the soul longs for that is at the core of all addictive “longing” which we experience as craving, both emotionally and physically.

       Task #6:  Here the task is to take full responsibility for our physical bodies, and begin the task of dis-identifying with them as Self.  No matter if the crisis is physical in nature or not, we must learn to honor our bodies in new and deeper ways.  We need to learn to care for them and this means that we take growing responsibility for learning how they function best, especially in this time of ever growing costs of insurance and availability of medical treatment.  Our needs for exercise and good nutrition become a priority if we wish to stay as healthy as possible for ourselves and for our loved ones. 

Crisis can often herald a time when the individual feels less like caring for themselves physically, when indeed this can be at the very core of what is most needed.

On a spiritual level, and depending on one’s beliefs, this focus on the physical level can take us all the way to “cellular” transformation, with the need and desire to look into systems (such as hatha yoga, Qi Goung, Tai Chi and other body-based systems) that teach the mechanics of such transformation. 

There is a wonderful possibility that can be the outcome of all this seeming insanity around insurance and such, and that is the coming together of Eastern and Western medicine.  There are many “alternative” systems being born and old ones explored which can provide the necessary answers our society and what the world seeks. 

The paradox of fully coming into the human form is, that when we can do this, we can also dis-identify with the physical body and with its desires and attachments.  Then we can begin to see the body as a beautiful instrument of communication.  As we dis-identify in this way, we can then inhabit the body and learn to control more aspects of its functioning.  This process often involves dealing with addictions of all kinds, from obvious to very subtle.

       Task #7:  Our task is to build a strong ego which can be placed in the service of the greater Self.  The ego is not something to be destroyed, but rather in a Buddhist way, dissolved away.  And using a Jungian sense of the “right use” of ego, once cleansed of our strong attachments to believing we ARE our egos, we can achieve a strong, self-confident ego that can learn to access and be in service of the Self which contains the “blueprint” within of self-actualization and self-transcendence.

Theme #5:  RELATIONSHIPS AS A SPIRITUAL PRACTICE

PSYCHOLOGICAL COMMENTARY

       Task #1:  The task is to shift our relationships from “need-based” to “growth-based.”  As investment in old identities drops away; relationships based in collusion (co-illusion) of supporting each other’s old images must begin to shift.  We are more interested in supporting the other person’s growth and freedom.  Therefore, relationships are sought that will help us grow in freedom and not remain stuck in old images.

A new way of looking at our most intimate relationships emerges:  the “Imago Deo” is the image of God we see in each other when we fall in love that we have then to re-discover within ourselves in order to become whole.  Thus, our most beloved “other” becomes our teacher(s).  His/her face becomes the face of God – serving his/her needs.  Learning to love unconditionally becomes a true spiritual path.

       Task #2:  Once the relationship base is shifted from need to growth, we become aware that the relationship can now become a sacred “vessel” in which the process of transformation can happen for the people within the relationship. 

       Task #3:  Applying the following 16 principles become the cornerstone tasks of relationships:

1.               Practice telling and hearing the truth.  We fear the truth because we are afraid to be abandoned, rejected, or engulfed.  We need to examine the enormous pain we cause in ourselves and others by not telling the truth.

2.               Stay with the experience in the present moment -- trying hard not to bring in the “other hundred” times this has happened.  We work hard at dealing with this single situation.

3.               Recognize the perfection within the present situation.  Here, we choose the relationship exactly as it is and by so doing, we see that each of us is fully responsible for our own actions, reactions, and responses.  Usually the situation has been created, both positively and negatively, by both (or all) people in the relationship.

4.               Respect, appreciate, and acknowledge ourselves and each other.  As a couples’ therapist, this single issue can completely change relationships.  Work hard at acknowledging your partner for something at least once per day.

5.               Recognize the reflection of yourself in the other.  We project onto each other (especially in intimate relationships) the parts of ourselves, both positive and negative, that we do not accept in ourselves.  Often, there is a stage in the relationship when both people are simply blaming the other for the problems; this, then, is projection.

6.               Learn not to “personalize” the other’s life lessons.  This is the principle which helps us break the collusions (co-illusions) with one another.  When your partner or spouse is going through his or her own reactions to life, we must realize this is not of our doing.

7.               We must learn to share both our grief and our highest joys together.  This time period can be viewed as an age of jointly-shared spiritual awakening, a time for us to break our isolation, accept and love one another on very deep, soul-filled levels.

8.               Allow the relationship to find its own “form” rather than impose our pictures of how relationships “ought” to be.  We all carry around “pictures” from childhood, from fairy tales, from TV and such, of the “perfect” relationship, the one that will bring us happiness forever after.  These pictures must be deeply examined and released if we are to evolve our relationships to organically reflect who we are NOW.

9.               Practice forgiveness.  Simply put, we can facilitate our own and each other’s release from suffering by actively practicing forgiveness daily.  This refers to true forgiveness which is not forgetting nor excusing; rather, it is healing of the greatest magnitude.  Our personal, individual relationships give us lots of circumstances and situations in which to practice this.

10.        Share our joy and laughter together.  Spend time not working on the relationship!  A paradox is involved here because as we share more joy, our attachments to suffering come to the surface so that we can see them for simply what they are:  self images based on the fear of loss.

11.        Meditate together.  Pray together.  Develop a spiritual practice together that can become the very foundation for your relationship, and can be what you return to in times of need.  Actually schedule quiet time, time to “go inside” together, and then share what comes up in this space.

12.        Honor individualized as well as shared interests, friends, and practices.  We need both times of separation and of union in order for us to realize our wholeness within relationships.  We can only become one people, one planet, by each becoming one within ourselves -- whole and free.

13.        Explore the relationship between sexuality and spirituality together.  Bring these two into alignment in ways that serve them both, each enhancing the other.  There are many ways to do this, and all begin with the two people sharing their own personal views about this and moving towards integration.

14.        Get outside help if needed.  Having a friendship with another couple or two helps enormously to explore and help people stay open and not become isolated and in-grown.  Go to a couples’ therapist if needed, there are many good ones. Know that it is not weakness, but rather, strength to recognize when help is needed.

15.        Personal relationships reflect global relationships.  Recognize that you are not alone in your relationship -- that what you do together to bring about healing on so many levels also reflects the global village.  It either contributes to healing or to destructiveness on a planetary level as well as personal.

16.        See in the “other,” the face of the Beloved, the face of the God/Goddess reflected.  Seen this way, our personal relationships can become a very strong spiritual path.  Serving one another’s wholeness and supporting each to be the very best person s/he can be, becomes a daily practice in union with the Divine.

Theme #6:  DEVELOPMENT OF “NO-SACRIFICE” LIVING AND DISCOVERING ONE’S PERSONAL JOY IN LIFE AND LEARNING TO LIVE FROM THIS FOUNDATION.

PSYCHOLOGICAL COMMENTARY

       Task #1:  The task is to learn to recognize various levels of “need” and to match the fulfillment to the level.  Using Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, we can learn to discern from which levels we are lacking fulfillment and what needs to happen in order to satisfy that “octave.”

       Task #2:  The task here is to take full responsibility for our gifts as well as our projections.  We begin to discover, after the shakedown of who we thought we were, who we really are without all the false identities and trappings.  In what creative channels does the natural flow of our lives take us?   What brings us joy and pleasure, by ourselves?  To truly “…follow our bliss” (as the anthropologist Joseph Campbell says) is, I am convinced, the fastest and certainly most enjoyable road to union with God, and to union with Self as the Beloved.  It seems true that doing what truly brings us joy is the highest mission we have on this planet; finding our joy means finding a direct channel to the Divine.  We need to learn to exercise ”joy muscles!”  If we are feeling joy, then we can model the possibility of joy to others.

This is not an “airy-fairy” point of view.  I am not speaking of simply discovering what brings us joy in the moment, and what is then passing pleasure.  I am speaking of discovering joy in each and every possibility of our lives.  This means to find it even in the very worst of circumstances and life situations.  I speak of the joy which transcends our “every-day” experience of trials and tribulations.  It is to find this within our own hearts, not in the transitory pleasures of life. 

One of the most difficult things for many of us to do is fully develop our gifts.  This, I believe, is actually at the very heart of taking full responsibility for our lives.  At the core of the very fact that we call them gifts is a hidden key:  they are not “ours;” they are gifts from Spirit.  We are merely asked to receive them graciously, learn how to use them well and pass them on to the world.  Notice that the first bit of this is to receive them graciously.  This means acknowledging the Giver of the gift with gratitude and an open heart.   We did not “earn” these gifts; they were given freely.  As we take them to our hearts, we can in turn give them on to others freely.

       Task #3:  The task presented to us here can be viewed as embracing the idea of “no sacrifice” living.  This task involves discovering that “sacrifice” (in the sense of burden) leads to the guilt/resentment/martyrdom/punishment syndrome (all patriarchal views of service, I might add.)  If we are serving out of this type of sacrifice, we usually do it with resentment and martyrdom.  We make others feel guilt instead of touching the guilt we truly feel. I think the true birth of service comes from doing things only because we want to, with full responsibility and freedom of choice – no martyrdom, no guilt, no resentment; thereby, avoiding punishment or further guilt-invoking situations.  Imagine a world where everyone served because they wanted to do so!

Now, the approach does NOT mean that doing the type of service because it is right to do (and thus we want to do it), does not at times involve great difficulty and hardship.  The difference is that there is no martyrdom involved in the doing of it; however, there may be sacrifice in the sense of giving up something to which there is very great attachment.

What seems to happen here is that we go through a period of no longer wanting to do what we were doing because we examined our reasons and found martyrdom, the sacrifice which is experienced as burden, or resentment.  As we own up to these feelings and realize that no one outside of ourselves is forcing us to do what we are doing, or think the way we are thinking, we usually go through a period of pulling back, pulling in, from activity.  We need solitude before coming back out, filled with new energy.  This is because – now – we are doing what we want.  At this point we are no longer confused, but instead, aligned with personal truths, no matter what the cost in releasing attachments.

Theme #7:  ISSUES OF DEALTH AND REBIRTH

PSYCHOLOGICAL COMMENTARY

       Task #1:  In order to facilitate deep healing, we must learn to allow deep layers of grief to surface.  This unexpressed grief comes from many sources:  from recognizing how separate we are from ourselves and each other, and from God; from loss of “dreams” and how we thought we “should” be; from letting go of old self images, images of who we thought we were; from experiences of loss (i.e. of relationships, goals, etc); from touching the collective suffering on this earth.

This grief is deep and primal and can release us from the past if we allow it to move through us.  Sometimes I liken this to having a deep, puncture wound that has sealed over with skin on the surface.   The only way to get the wound to heal fully is to lance it so that the debris of dead tissue, abscessing and such, can be washed out until clean bleeding occurs.  This lancing to full depth is the only sure way to full healing.  However, ripping the skin away is not always the best means of healing.  Sometimes, the wound needs to be soaked in warm water for a long while.  This warm water is akin to unconditional, positive regard and respect for the individual’s timing in removing the scab and getting to the deeper wounding beneath.  Each individual needs to be fully respected around his/her own grieving process.

       Task #2:  This task involves discovering our beliefs about dying, death and rebirth.  In dreams, or in our dark inner thoughts, death can become an obsession.  Something is dying within us and needs to be given space and compassionate understanding to come to the surface.  The experience can be so dramatic that a person may actually feel as if he or she is dying.  There may exist a longing for death and a need to acknowledge that longing.  Something is also trying to be reborn within the person; dreams arise of giving birth.  There may be a fascination with newness and wanting to try new things.

Beliefs must be explored about the meaning of death and rebirth.  If someone is facing the loss of a loved one, he/she needs to ask him/herself these tough questions and fully explore his/her own beliefs about death.  This often includes the fantasies and fears about what the person who has died is now experiencing.

There may be very difficult decisions to be faced.  More and more people are finding themselves facing horrendous physical realities which lead them to question whether or not to take their own lives.   It seems this is a profound, worldwide phenomena as we are living longer but not necessarily better lives.  This involves confrontation of the most soulful nature with one’s moral, ethical, religious and spiritual beliefs.  This can bring a person into direct contact with the reality of ending one’s own life, and needs to be explored fully and carefully.

       Task #3:  We must deal with the death of parents, friends, loved ones.  Very few go through life without having to deal directly with the loss (often through death) of loved ones, parents and friends.  Since these tasks usually are being done in mid-life and later years, the direct experience of the loss of parents is a major confrontation.  Once our parents have gone on before us, there is nothing between ourselves and the direct encounter with aging and death.  When they are alive, many people feel that they have a sort of “buffer” between themselves and the realities of aging and death.  This, of course, is an illusion, but one held by many.  Directly confronting these beliefs can be a very profound experience and leads into the next task.

       Task #4:  Learning to let go of attachments of all kinds is the major task that we all face.  We will explore two tools of the release of attachment. One is from the Buddhist tradition and is called Mindfulness, and the other is a Psychosynthesis technique called dis-identification.

Theme #8:  WORKING WITH PERSONAL IMAGES OF GOD

PSYCHOLOGICAL COMMENTARY

       Task #1:  We are drawn to articulate our own personal mythology.  We discover our own “idea” of God/Goddess and begin to understand that all “images” of god are actually deeper impediments to the direct experience of union with the Divine.  We sometimes have interest in studying what our own myths may be, which myths attract us, and exploring whatever symbols are our personal ones, the ones with which we work.  This, of course, is an extensive area of study, and only mentioned here as a possible task to be undertaken. 

       Task #2:  Encountering the Self at the Center of Being -- the “I-Thou” relationship with God becomes a task to which we surrender.  We confront the splits between my will and Thy will.  Doing what we want to do often reveals splits between our individual desire and what we believe God wants of us.   Confronting this also reveals deeper images a person may hold of “who God is.”  Often, doing what “we want” is our way of discovering what God wants of us – because there is really no split, no separation, between ourselves and God.  On the deepest levels, our personal desires and God’s become one.  What we truly want may well be God’s voice within us.  It is the voice of the Source of Our Lives, deep within our own hearts.  Exploring these areas sometimes reveals significant areas of guilt from which we have been hiding.

To live completely responsible and fulfilled lives requires extraordinary honesty and self-examination.  Very often it is easier to feel guilty than to face up to our full responsibilities as mature adults.  It is easier to make of God a parental “over-seer” than attempt co-creation which exacts high levels of discernment and surrender.

       Task #3:  The task becomes moving beyond all images of God/Goddess to the beginnings of union with the Divine.  .  To explore the “Imago Deo,” our image of God.  The task here is simply to explore our beliefs and images of God.  The purpose of this is to make sure that what we believe about spirituality really serves us and is not simply made up of old beliefs we were taught that are no longer of value to us.   As we do this deep exploration, we can discard that which is now an obstacle to our spiritual maturity.

This exploration can involve examining new possibilities for spiritual unfoldment or looking at old beliefs with a new understanding.

God is truly beyond all images that we hold.  So exploration of these images is very important if we are to discover where we want to give up ultimate responsibility, and what we believe will be ultimate retribution for our actions.   Differentiating these images and bringing them into awareness frees up enormous amounts of energy that have been caught in them.   We also need to explore the great fear that arises when such images are activated.

This implies recognition of, and experiential encounter with, the Self as the Beloved, as the spark of God lying deep within the very nature of the whole human being.  Here, seeking, desire, and separation all ends.  In practical day-to-day terms, this state is reached in a moment, in an hour or maybe even a day.  The awareness and experience comes and goes, staying longer, coming more often.

Theme #9:  COMPLETION AND FULL CIRCLE.  WE BRING WHAT WE HAVE LEARNED BACK TO OUR COMMUNITIES.

PSYCHOLOGICAL COMMENTARY

       Task #1:  The task is to open to global issues and realize that we are participating in the Whole.  We learn to be in the world, but no longer are of it, we losen our attachments to outcome.  It seems that as we awaken to awareness of our spirituality, we simply open to wanting to help others as a natural consequence of the awakening. 

We find ourselves to be no longer isolated beings, but truly parts of a global occurrence, a global awakening.  We feel ourselves to be part of the whole world and begin to participate in it, but not completely “of it” anymore.  This can include a dramatic and often traumatic awakening to the “power” struggles going on within the world, to the realization of the money-based, greed-based nature of that struggle.  We here confront the “shadow” side of attempting to do “good works” within the world and our own deeper motivations and the motivations of those “in power.”

       Task #2:  Our task is to share what we have learned with the world at large.  We have come to rely on our inner sense of integrity and a true desire to serve the world, not from an egoic place but simply because we want to help end suffering in whatever way we can.  The question is not where to place our energy anymore; but, instead, to see all situations as ones in which we can offer whatever is needed.  We simply place our egos in service of the Self and follow its higher authority.

       Task #3:  The simple task is to live in present moment awareness.  We learn effective action through non-attachment to the outcome.